Friday, March 30, 2012

The Quaker Oats guy is named Larry

I learned this today. Larry. I also learned that Larry got a makeover.


They thinned out his face, cut his hair, and gave him shoulders so he seems "stronger and more vibrant." I kid you not. There are so very many levels of insane to this.

Is OneTouch being a little paranoid?

Did anyone else get this flyer in the mail?

"Don't be fooled by other brands asking you to switch...You don't need to switch."

"Stay with OneTouch: Despite what others may say, there is no need to change from the OneTouch UltraLink Meter for your insulin pump therapy..."

I got it from Edgepark yesterday, and I couldn't help but wonder what prompted it. Could it be as simple as LifeScan knowing it'll be a problem that the Medtronic exclusivity deal has ended? (And by "problem" I mean "major loss of revenue.") Last I heard, Minimed was still the dominant pump on the market, and that's a lot of people buying strips.

I can't for the life of me remember what the new partnership is. Bayer maybe? When I'd first read about it, I did have a "Hmm...maybe I should check that out!" reaction. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Good luck with that, LifeScan.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Zucchini with garlic-infused olive oil

Kid eats healthier than I do.

Ate it all, even if she did look a little dubious.

An uphill climb

This felt as ugly as it looked.

An uphill climb in more ways than one, of course. There's the very literal uphill of my Dexcom graph - I've seen more 300s in the past week than I have in quite some time, and every night seems to find me struggling to get my BG down to a respectable level before I go to bed. Unfortunately, "struggling" usually means "rage bolusing"...and then a nice blood sugar in the 50s (or lower!) in the wee hours of the morning.

Uphill also in terms of the effort required to get this - well, myself - under control. I don't eat real dinners unless it's one of B's nights off of work: if it's just me, I'm grazing for dinner and we all know grazing is synonymous with "dealing with hyperglycemia." And it's already Thursday and I've yet to log for the week. And I'm getting a solid 20 percent of my daily sleep on subway trains while commuting. And our house still isn't unpacked, still doesn't have anything on the walls. And my email inbox is 2 times the size it usually is. And I owe 347 people phone calls. And I haven't had my hair cut in months. And and and.

It's usually right about there in my spiral of panic that I feel so overwhelmed that I say "Fuck it" and go make popcorn for dinner. Which leads to a high blood sugar. And crappy sleep. And a late start for my commute and work day. Thus the "And and and" cycle begins anew.

I'm no stranger to pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I have, on countless occasions, grabbed myself by imaginary lapels and yelled "get ahold of yourself!" I can kick myself in the pants with the best of them...usually. But I've yet to find that gumption this time around, and I'm not sure where I'm going to dig it up.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

One of the tribe

I don't really follow sports at all, but I never fail to get the warm fuzzies when one of my people pops up in the athletic world. I like knowing there are other PWDs out there in the world, giving the disease the collective finger, showing everyone that diabetes doesn't define us, doesn't hold us back.

B likes to buy me t-shirts and jerseys supporting these tribe members, and I've got quite a collection of D-athletes. My latest addition is a baseball card:

I did a set change on the card for luck!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Note to self

Remove the infusion set before you take your shower. If you remove it afterward, this is what happens:

I assume the adhesive gets gloopier from the warm water?

Monday, March 26, 2012

Not even close, Dex

No cigar, just a big fat F!

By the numbers: Report #3

Yeah. This got ugly really quick:

7-day - 165
14-day - 136
30-day - 144
TDD - 35.25

A big part of that leap up was the missing logging - I've only managed to jot down three days (just three!) in the past two weeks, all of which were right when I started. Of course. We're always at our best when we start something new, aren't we? All pumped up and full of "I can do it!!" enthusiasm. Well, my enthusiasm was eaten by the D-blahs pretty damned quickly. Still, I plan to log tonight come hell or high water.

And wait. Positivity! My TDD came down a little more, which means I've been trying to wrangle down the number of carbs I'm eating and it's (kind of) working. Yay?

I've also started reading Think Like a Pancreas as part of my general D-overhaul, and so far it's been interesting. I'll have a post on that later, but for the moment my biggest takeaway is shame/guilt/stress about the fact that I've never done a basal test. Yeah, you read it right. No basal test. Ever. More than two and a half years without one, in fact. I can't help but wonder how far off the rates are at this point, and how much of that is contributing to erratic blood sugars. But still. UGH. A basal test sounds like the worst thing ever.

*   *   *

Past reports:

March 12 start:
7-day - 158
14-day - 151
30-day - 156
TDD - 40.86

March 19, week 1:
7-day - 113
14-day - 132
30-day - 140
TDD - 37.10

Sunday, March 25, 2012


One big change diabetes has wrought in my life - you know, aside from the background retinopathy, the little dotty pump scars on my belly, and a crazy ability to guess carb counts - is a totally skewed perception about what is acceptable disease management behavior.

In high school, I lied about blood sugars to get out of gym class. I've opened candies in theaters well after the "Please unwrap your lozenges now" warning. I lick blood from my fingers with nary a thought about how incredibly creepy that must seem to an outside observer. 

But today? Today, B and I inserted a new Dexcom sensor on my back while we were waiting on the R train platform.

I whipped up my coat and my shirt for all the world to see

Oh, Postsecret. I always want the rest of the story

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Friday, March 23, 2012

Lookout, Old Spice guy...

You down with O.P.E.?*

I forgot my meter at home. No, not like "my dog ate my homework." I actually left the darned thing on the kitchen counter, and my work meter was out of strips - excellent planning, no? So B offered to schlep into Manhattan with the goods, but that's a loooong haul and I had my Dexcom. I decided to wing it.

Well, winging it is all very well and good unless you have one of those weirdly sticky BGs in the 200s that just will. not. budge. Which, of course, I had. I was loathe to just keep tapping in insulin (anyone else do that? The little .5 bolus button on my pump is a hard thing to resist and always gets me in trouble) but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right?

Wrong. Because I remembered my company actually has a nurse on staff. And nurses have things like meters! I headed down to her office and, not only did she have a meter, she had a meter I used aaaages ago. Blast from the past!

45 seconds is a LOT longer than I remember it.

Amusingly, I was A Good Diabetic while I "performed" for the nurse. I washed my hands, alcohol-swabbed my fingertip, and didn't lick the blood off after I stuck myself. If she only knew what my usual BG process looked like, I'm sure she'd have a heart attack.

* (And by O.P.E., I mean "Other People's Equipment"....)

Blue Fridays: Riiiiing

Earrings, that is.

Seen in: Bay Ridge Ave. R station

Despite his many, many examples, I'm still confused. I think he needs to adjust his definition of "one nite stands."

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Eight. Months. Old.

How has that much time already passed? You're still a teeny-tiny little pixie - you fit into 3m onesies, your  baby friends all outweigh you,  and I can still toss you around (oh, the giggles! they kill me) with ease. But you're oh so far from three months old. You're sitting up in your highchair. You want to grab EVERYTHING around you. You've figured out nodding yes, and do it all. the. time. YES, change my diaper. YES, the cat walked by. YES, buttons on shirts are the best.

Every day is something new, and your joy in it - your face-melting, brain-squishing intense JOY - shatters my insides to smithereens and then puts it all back together again.

Love you sosososo much, baby girl. Your mama is a lucky lady.

happiest. baby. ever.

Diabetes safari

I was on the train this morning, blearily making my way into work. I snagged a seat and was about to doze off when...WHAT is that on that dude's belt?! I was instantly wide awake 'cause there's nothing I love more than seeing a fellow PWD in the wild.

I craned my head - super stealthily, of course - trying to get a bead on what could possibly be clipped to his belt. "Nope, not a Minimed. Nor an Animas. Maybe an older pump I don't know? Seems awful small to have any significant insulin reservoir...could it be his meter?! Does that even happen?!"

Alas, after 5 minutes of staring at this guy's hip to glimpse a brand-name, I realized it was a pedometer. Boo.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

On By the Numbers and YDMV

Last week, I started what I hope will be a lengthy series of posts, tagged By the Numbers. And on that first post, I got a comment from Rachel that's kind of stuck in my head:

She was referring to my confession that I hadn't had an A1c drawn since July 2011

I keep thinking about it because I plan to keep posting my numbers as I prepare for my May 23rd endo appointment...BUT I'm a little worried about reactions to these posts. Because Your Diabetes May Vary (YDMV), absofreakinglutely, and Your Diabetes Management May Vary (YDMMV) too - yet we all feel judged. Judged by our numbers, judged by how we handle those numbers, judged by the food we eat, the amount of insulin we use, the exercise we get, our weight, the number of BGs we do in a day, the the THE! We feel judged by everything, don't we? And that sucks because, like Jacquie said, "diabetes is fucking hard, yo."

It was astonishing how much my management changed as I planned to get pregnant, and then as I carried little L. I went from MDI (and we're talking "Me? Pump? The horror!" level of MDI dedication) to pump and CGM, having A1c tests whenever I got around to going to the doctor and having no clue what ballpark the number was in to tests every 4 weeks like clockwork, testing before meals or bed and whenever I felt wonky to 12 times a day. Everything I'd been doing was completely altered. So I'm at this bizarre place now where I totally think A) No, it's not horrible to think July isn't that bad - this is certainly not the longest I've gone without that blood draw! but also B), GOD, it's such a long time for me! Because it is the longest I've gone in more than two and a half years.

I started the By the Number posts because I like the feeling of tossing it out there. I have a long, colorful history with eating disorders and ignoring my disease. But after a year of sending food and BG logs to my CDE, I realized sharing my numbers makes them feel less horrible somehow. Having a log day where you have popcorn for dinner, spike overnight, and then go low after overcorrecting - and yet  managing to put all that information on the log honestly, albeit while cringing with shame and self-loathing - and getting nary a raised eyebrow from your CDE? This is priceless. I truly believe that did more for helping me short-circuit some negative self-talk than all the other cheerleading "You can do it!" support I get. I learned that I can do something I truly believe should be judged, and I wasn't. That the voice in my head telling me how awful I am is actually just a voice in my head. And one that should shut the fuck up.

So I'm putting it out there.

Because I find other people and the way they live their life to be fascinating. (Truth: I have a little voyeur in me.)

Because I like when other people cop to where they are, and when they do so unblinkingly. (I'm working on the not-blinking. Usually I squinch my eyes before I click "publish.")

Because the best way to prove to everyone the reality of YDMV is to show that variety. I might have a lower A1c than some, but I'm damn-tooting that there are plenty more below me. And I don't give a crap what your number is - the only A1c that I'm actually judging is my own.

Because I find it reassuring to know that other people are out there with diabetes. Imperfect works in progress, with good days and bad, just like me.

Monday, March 19, 2012

By the numbers: Report #2

It's been a week since I checked my averages. Clearly, when I lock it down I lock. It. Down.

March 12 start:
7-day - 158
14-day - 151
30-day - 156
TDD - 40.86

March 19, week 1:
7-day - 113
14-day - 132
30-day - 140
TDD - 37.10

I had my A1C drawn on Friday (blech), and should know in 2 weeks what my starting level for that was. My goal is to be at 6.2 or below by my next endo appointment...which is May 23rd. (Is that even possible?! No idea until I know where I'm starting from, I guess.)

More to come! In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, here's a picture of L - like Waldo, my pump snuck into the shot:

L is at a very grabby stage, and clearly wants the camera

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

D Confession: By the numbers

I have fallen off my D wagon. Big time. Hear me, friends, for I have sinned.

•  My last A1C was in July, before L was born. (Handily, I now always know precisely how long it has been.) It was 6.1. I guarantee it is nowhere near that today.
•  I have not logged a single anything since June, nor have I seen a medical professional other than my OB or ophthalmologist.
•  Since January 18th, my BG averages have leapt from 88/96/127 (7-, 14-, and 30-days respectively) to 158/151/156.
•  In that same time frame, my TDD jumped from 28.43 to 40.86.
•  All the bigger numbers had a trickle-down effect - I also gained 10 lbs. And my basal totals went up a full unit.

Where does that leave us?

As ever, thanks Kevin!

Well, back to logging of course. And crunching numbers. And downloading my Dexcom data. And truly carb counting instead of SWAGing. And getting an A1C drawn (appointment Friday!). And saying no to french fries/my Kryptonite and other MEFs. And just getting back on that stupid diabetes horse again, even if it means dragging myself while kicking and screaming.

After two years of iron-fisted control to have a kiddo, I needed a break. But it's over now.