Sunday, January 1, 2012

WELCOME, 2012.

There's just something about the calendar change that makes me stop and pause - looking over the past year is important, to see where you were and how you got to where you are. But I feel like I'm always reflective and spend a solid chunk of time thinking about the past. (In fact, some might say I'm a bit preoccupied with it, as I have a wicked sentimental streak - you should see my impressive collection of ticket stubs and summer camp mail!)

In my heart of hearts, though, I'm a planner. I like to look ahead, to plot out my bearings so I can have a direction to move toward. This can be a good thing (healthy babies, savings for job transitions, plenty of extra toilet paper in the house), but it can also be a super pain-in-the-ass (the last thing we can control is the future - that old saw about making God laugh by telling him you have a plan is an old saw for a reason). Still, I can't help but do it.

So I look forward, and there's so much coming up it's easy to do: we're moving soon, L is growing by leaps and bounds, B has exciting work stuff going on, a dear friend is juuuuust about to have her little boy...lots of headlines happening. But the headlines are almost the easy things, aren't they? Joy about your daughter learning to crawl or walk, cheerleading for your oh-so-loved husband's accomplishments, warm fuzzies for a friend's growing family - looking forward to these things is a complete no-brainer. It's the minutiae I drown in. Planning for the move, packing the boxes, worrying about head control and teething fevers, writing lists for babyproofing, prepping for my first solo week with the kiddo while B's out of town for work, developing plans of attack so I can visit the new arrival in the hospital and hug his mama... I get so mired in the details that I rarely enjoy the headlines. But those broad strokes of perfection are really the point and, well, I seem to be missing it.

Know thyself, they say. And I know I'll never truly move past the minutiae. That's just who I am. I'll focus on all that nitty gritty, I'll have an agenda of the traditional new year resolutions for self-improvement (eff you, A1c), I'll plot things to a ridiculous degree. But my one real resolution for the year - the one that I'll use as a mantra, whispered to myself when I find I've gone a bit off my intended path for 2012 - is going to be focusing on those headlines, embracing the marquee events, singing praises for the big picture.

So I look toward the new year with eagerness - it's a blank notebook, after all, with gorgeous clean pages, all ready to be filled in with a life lived well. And rest assured I'll be writing in all caps, leaving no room for tiny print or footnotes.

Happy New Year everyone. May it bring good things to you and yours.

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