Thursday, March 25, 2010

Note to the world: Never tell a T1 you imagine the "health stuff is a work in progress"

Because I will get really, really irritated with you and my response would probably be something like this:

The health stuff is, as it often is, crap. Woke up skyhigh this morning and, as such, had one of my infrequent bouts of BG vertigo - ended up coming in to work at 10:45 since I couldn't stand up without falling over until roughly 9:00. It's always hit or miss, and I take it rather personally when I miss. The variables are such that you never really know why it's a miss, and that's frustrating. And demoralizing. And rage-inducing. Suffice it to say, taking care of myself is nearly a full-time job. I hate that that's the case, and it pisses me off that I could be doing so many other things with my time and attention. Yeah, sure, that last doctor appointment was a good one. But I have another this Monday, I'm making a cardiology appointment, I'm carrying a notebook with food logging, I am constantly covered in/carrying equipment - "work in progress" isn't quite the way to describe it, since you couldn't say breathing is really a work in progress, right? It's just as relentlessly THERE as breathing, just as important...but try to imagine writing down each breath, remembering to breathe every time you need to do so, carrying around a tank of oxygen everywhere you go (and sleeping with it! and showering with it!) because the air doesn't carry enough for *just* you and others like you, having 5 different specialists monitoring how well your breathing is going, and then actually not being GOOD at breathing - constantly hiccuping, or having asthma attacks, or miscalculating and not breathing deeply enough and passing out all the time - and knowing that you're likely to die from complications that accrue with every error you make while trying to breathe. That's a little bit more accurate a description.

2 comments:

  1. I so hear you. I feel the same way. I hate hate hate it. Trying to sort through the emotions so I can "just breathe" again.

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  2. No one could possibly understand unless it's them. I don't even think our type 3's fully get it. So that's why people should just keep their mouths shut! Right? Right.

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