Every time I see "DOC," my brain immediately starts in with the theme song to that horrid/awesome show The O.C. - "Califorrrrniaaaaa." But, with a quick shake of my head and an inner "AHEM," I can usually switch back to regular programming. Which is, of course, all about The D.
I've been more and more active in the DOC as I've focused more on my disease. Reading a lot more blogs, subscribing to tons of Twitter feeds, checking out newsletters and on and on and on. I've found some great ones, of course - Six Until Me, Diabetesaliciousness, The Butter Compartment, 25 Units to Go - and it's been a revelation. I spend most of my time reading these blogs (and tweets and everything) thinking "Me too! Me too!" (TBC, especially - I can't tell you how many times over the last 15 years that some poor vial of insulin has taken a suicide leap from their little home in my fridge, and I have a good laugh every time I check out the blog.)
I wouldn't say I've ever been ashamed about my D. I've never tried to hide it, I've always been happy to answer questions, and I've pretty much contained myself to flinging dirty looks at people who act grossed out when I do a BG test or shoot up. That being said, though, I don't really talk about it either. I don't want to be a complainer, or seem like one of those melodramatic types who're always all "Ohhhhhh, my disease! I have a DISEASE!" I loathe a pity party and I prefer to avoid judgment from people...and I kind of just want to be normal. (Pancrea-typical?)
So it's quite a relief to be able to say "GAH! I can't figure out where that 247 came from!" and have people nod their heads and chime in with something similar. It's amazing to be able to see - in real time - other people fighting the good fight and getting the same mixed results I do. To see fights for insurance coverage, dealing with travel, and picking fave glucose tab flavors (moi: only CVS brand will do, grape or raspberry).
After 15 years, I've decided to try the pump. A HUGE step for me. For a while, I thought it was because the new endo gave me the "If you hate it, you can stop" back door out of it. But now that I've had some time to think, I'm betting on the DOC. Seeing everyone else live with it, struggling with their own management, has given me a sense of courage that I haven't really felt in a long time. I know that if I get the weepies from a bad site change (SO scared of the insertion device!) or can't figure out a weird BG pattern or just want to throw something at the wall, that there's someone out there in that same exact position and we can all get together and flip the D the bird. I'm so very grateful.