Monday, August 24, 2009

Endo? Bueller?

I've been seeing the new Doc since last month - not a heckuva lot of time, and there've been a LOT of changes (revamped Lantus and correction doses, to name a few). So it seemed like she was gung ho on the TBP and I was thrilled...

But ever since I mentioned The Great Pump Experiment, I've not heard a peep from her. And I email her weekly with my logs. I hear from my CDE, which is a relief - otherwise, I'd figure my emails were just vanishing into the ether. All I can imagine is that she figures "Do what you want for now, since it doesn't really matter. We'll need to start all over again on the 8th, anyway." Which makes sense, I suppose, but it would be nice if I'd been told that was the plan.

The radio silence is especially aggravating in light of the fact that my hair is STILL shedding (even more now, I think) and I'd love to find out the results of my thyroid test.

I'm happier with my care at the Center than I have been in a long time, even with the 200+ block commute. And I think I'll remain that way. But it's still hugely disappointing to realize that doctors all over the world consistently treat patients the same way - like little kids to be guided by the hand, rather than adults who are fully active and in control of their health management.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The DOC

Every time I see "DOC," my brain immediately starts in with the theme song to that horrid/awesome show The O.C. - "Califorrrrniaaaaa." But, with a quick shake of my head and an inner "AHEM," I can usually switch back to regular programming. Which is, of course, all about The D.

I've been more and more active in the DOC as I've focused more on my disease. Reading a lot more blogs, subscribing to tons of Twitter feeds, checking out newsletters and on and on and on. I've found some great ones, of course - Six Until Me, Diabetesaliciousness, The Butter Compartment, 25 Units to Go - and it's been a revelation. I spend most of my time reading these blogs (and tweets and everything) thinking "Me too! Me too!" (TBC, especially - I can't tell you how many times over the last 15 years that some poor vial of insulin has taken a suicide leap from their little home in my fridge, and I have a good laugh every time I check out the blog.)

I wouldn't say I've ever been ashamed about my D. I've never tried to hide it, I've always been happy to answer questions, and I've pretty much contained myself to flinging dirty looks at people who act grossed out when I do a BG test or shoot up. That being said, though, I don't really talk about it either. I don't want to be a complainer, or seem like one of those melodramatic types who're always all "Ohhhhhh, my disease! I have a DISEASE!" I loathe a pity party and I prefer to avoid judgment from people...and I kind of just want to be normal. (Pancrea-typical?)

So it's quite a relief to be able to say "GAH! I can't figure out where that 247 came from!" and have people nod their heads and chime in with something similar. It's amazing to be able to see - in real time - other people fighting the good fight and getting the same mixed results I do. To see fights for insurance coverage, dealing with travel, and picking fave glucose tab flavors (moi: only CVS brand will do, grape or raspberry).

After 15 years, I've decided to try the pump. A HUGE step for me. For a while, I thought it was because the new endo gave me the "If you hate it, you can stop" back door out of it. But now that I've had some time to think, I'm betting on the DOC. Seeing everyone else live with it, struggling with their own management, has given me a sense of courage that I haven't really felt in a long time. I know that if I get the weepies from a bad site change (SO scared of the insertion device!) or can't figure out a weird BG pattern or just want to throw something at the wall, that there's someone out there in that same exact position and we can all get together and flip the D the bird. I'm so very grateful.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Lantus, My Lantus

One week after starting with the new endo, she dropped my lantus dose by four units (four! units!) - I'm now on an 8/8 split. She did so because of some of my middle-of-the-night lows. Well, it seems that those have certainly abated. Yay Golds! But, hoo BOY has this been a friggin' learning curve. All of my carb:insulin math is totally out the window... or at least all of my eating-out math is. And I'm a New Yorker. Eating out is our thing!

I spent most of my weekend over 200, and visited the land of three-hundredia a number of times. I can't for the life of me figure out how to fix it. I mean, I sure as hell am not at a 5g to 1u ratio. I do that with an apple, and I'd kill myself. But ice cream? (And I'm talking a piggo entire container of ice cream = No error on my counting. I'm going strictly by label!) Fuhgeddaboutit. Sky's the limit. Or, rather, the BG is sky-high.

Clearly, fatty meals are always tricksy with the ol' insulin. But could I really have changed all my math that much? I know, I know -- four units is a lot of lantus. Especially when you stop to consider it was 20% of my daily intake. But is it THAT much? Was I really using it to clean up all my "bad" BGs?

I need to get a grip on all of this before I (fingers-crossed, knock wood) go on the pump!