I've mentioned the T-1ness before, I'm sure. But to be perfectly clear, I'm a type-1 diabetic and was diagnosed more than 15 years ago with the disease. It sucks, blah blah blah, I know. But what has been sticking in my craw for the past, oh, year or so is The Baby Question.
I got married in September 2008. B and I had been talking about babies for a while before we'd even gotten engaged - he's always known my feelings about a) wanting kids and b) getting one of 'em with all the diabetes hoops we'd have to jump through. So it's no surprise that we're already starting to hunt down answers to The Baby Question.
Or at least I am.
I do the doc visits, I do the blood sugars, I do the worrying and the obssessing. (He mostly says "I support you" and provides offers of help. ) I get it - this is a pretty solitary disease. He can't count my carbs for me or do my injections. He can't work out my log book or do a blood sugar. But he might just get conscripted into the doc research aspect of things because I am, quite simply, terrified.
How do you pick a high-risk ob/gyn if you've never had to think about babies before? How do you make the decision about who's best equipped to both deliver a healthy baby AND deal with my freakouts about boiling said baby in toxic blood sugar? I've read too many horror stories about crappy docs (and hell, I've had a bunch of them myself) to have any sort of confidence in the process. But this seems like too big a deal to leave to chance, too much of a gamble to not make researching it a huge priority, and way too frigging important to do my usual "FINE. I'll just take care of me myself, you dumbass."
I'm scared I'll find someone and it'll end in a giant disaster. I'm scared I'll screw it up and spend the rest of my life regretting it. I'm just scared.