My relationship with bugs of any kind is pretty craptastic. They plague me, I hate them, it usually ends messily. But I usually draw the line at a nice dose of DEET coupled with a rolled-up magazine. Or my palm. (Yeah. I squash 'em with my hand. So?) But I might change my ways to become a proud owner of the Rush Hampton Mosquito Catcher....if only for its weird-ass product description. Here's a taste:
The Most Irritating Game
MASTER TIMOTHY HEARTWARM: Gosh, Rush! Look at all the nature!
MRS. JOHANNA HEARTWARM: Yes, Rush, thanks ever so. Young Timmy has been so sad since his father died. And he’s been so sick, I think the fresh air will do him good.
RUSH HAMPTON, MOSQUITO CATCHER: It’s nothing, Johanna! I’m up here every weekend. This cabin is practically my second home.
MASTER TIMOTHY HEARTWARM: Gosh, Rush! I can’t see any smog at all! Central Park is nothing like this! Hey, what’s that? It looks like a really thin spider, but it’s on my arm! Hey, I think it likes me!
MRS. JOHANNA HEARTWARM: Timmy, run!
RUSH HAMPTON, MOSQUITO CATCHER: TIMMY!! TIMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!
MASTER TIMOTHY HEARTWARM: Rush… what just happened? Why do I feel… ohhhh… dizzy?
RUSH HAMPTON, MOSQUITO CATCHER: That’s blood loss, Timmy. You’ve been bitten by… a mosquito.....